If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
