I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
