So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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