hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
