just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
