so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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