i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
