The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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