If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
