just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
