WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
