Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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