She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
