I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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