At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
