remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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