he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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