Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
