I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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