He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
