They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
