I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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