Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
