I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
