What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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