Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
