and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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