Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
