4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
