I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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