im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
