I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
