A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
