This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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