I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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