brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
