Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
