His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
