Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
