when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Randomize