I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
