I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
