You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
