I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
