You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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