remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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