I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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