Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
