Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
