We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
