I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
