operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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