dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
