I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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