Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My ass is underappreciated
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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