piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
