I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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