Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
