don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
