Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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