I'm drive I can fine osifer
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
