I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Shame - the story of my life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
