On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
