I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
