Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
whose ass print is on the piano?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
