Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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