I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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