I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
