ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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