I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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