He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
