Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
