im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
