id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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