why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
