i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
