He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I won the penis lottery.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
