Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
