I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Let's get the cat blown out
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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