She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
