What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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