Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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