Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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